If you’re not blowing your nose when you get up, go to bed, before you eat, and after you eat then you’re probably not allergic to whatever is growing and blowing outside.

If you don’t have a mosquito or chigger bite then you probably haven’t gone outside except to walk to your car, or you did a better job of putting on bug spray than I did. It could also be that your street, or road, didn’t flood last month.

If you’ve not fallen in love with The Incredible (veterinarian) Dr. Pol then it’s not available on your TV, you just haven’t discovered it yet, or you haven’t overdosed yet on Law & Order

reruns.

reruns. If your trash can isn’t filled with sacks, take-out containers and boxes from every restaurant within 20 miles, then you must be one of the few who has given up and cooked, or turned vegan due to a plentiful garden, or good neighbors.

If you shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair and get dressed every day then you must have a paying job away from home. If not, then you’re among millions of Americans who’ve abandoned everyday grooming regimens, but do use hand sanitizer, and regularly wash between their fingers.

If you don’t have at least two facial coverings in your car then I’m one up on you. You may not have noticed that Nancy Pelosi wore a pink mask that matched her suit in a news conference. I’m certain you didn’t know I’d have to use Google to spell her last name.

If you’ve sheltered at home during this pandemic then you’re probably accustomed to scratching where it itches, releasing gas with loud belches, and wearing clothes that you wouldn’t even wear to a dog fight.

Maybe you now hold your paper plate, or bowl, on your lap while you eat in front of the couch, or recliner, and have to wash lots of spoons, but only one fork every week.

Even if you’re not alone I bet you talk to yourself, your pets, and the TV. Ditto for flowers, weeds, birds, walls, the kitchen sink, and God.

Keep praying!